Reclaiming Ezer Kenegdo

Mother’s Day, a day of celebration. A day to celebrate the unique qualities of a mother.

For me, this one particular Mother’s Day, I would have to use a God-given quality to keep the peace in our house.

A quality that is unique to women, and that has, for centuries, been suppressed, demonized and rejected.

I think I will let my husband tell the story in his own words…

“It had been a particularly difficult week and our elementary-aged children at the time were feeling the rambunctiousness of spring.  They both began acting out toward Stephanie and me in what was received as defiance and disrespect.  Triggered by my upbringing and in my misplaced need to control, I informed the family we would be spending some time on “compliance training” to teach the kids to – do what is asked, when it was asked, no questions.  I hadn’t fully considered what this would look like, but “kiddie boot camp” probably sums it up.

This is where Stephanie in her role as partner and relationship protector lovingly but firmly inserted herself in the interaction.  This was really not a good idea – particularly on Mother’s Day weekend.  Initially frustrated, it did not take me long to realize I was acting out in anger and frustration, not compassion and love.  There is a wrong way to do the right thing and I was on that path. ” – Jason, my husband

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God created Woman because it was not good for Man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Adam could not find a helper suitable in the realm of the animal kingdom (although some would argue that dogs do that just fine ;P). Plus, there was an enemy on the loose waiting to steal, kill and destroy.

So God created an ezer kenegdo. In my last blog, Reclaiming Ezer, I explore what ezer means. Ezer refers to a strong, rescuing type of help. Remember ezer was used 16 times in the Bible to describe God. He is our Ezer in times of trouble (see Psalms 33:20, 70:5 and 115:9 as examples).

Now let’s dive into the word kenegdo. Technically, kenegdo is not one word. It is a word that “has both a prefix at the beginning and a suffix at the end. The כּ (kaf) prefix (= “k”) is an inseparable preposition which is typically translated as “like,” “as,” or “according to,” and it affects the meaning of neged.[1] …The pronominal וֹ (holem vav) suffix is equivalent to the pronoun “him.”  So the word kenegdô is effectively made up of two prepositions plus a pronoun; it is a prepositional phrase.[2]” – Marg Mowczko, “Kenegdo: Is the Woman Subordinate, Suitable, or Similar to the Man?”.

To keep it short, kenegdo means corresponding to, according to, or opposite to. Other thoughts on kenegdo:

“Kenegdo means to be opposite, counterpart, or alongside him.” – Jeffrey Curtis Poor, The True Meaning Of Helpmate (4 powerful truths from Genesis 2:18)

“The second part of the phrase that the King James rendered “help meet” is the word kenegdo, it literally means “in front of” and has this connotation of opposition almost.  Commentator Victor Hamilton describes Kenegdo as similar to polarities.  Woman is to man as the North Pole is to the South Pole.  Woman is the balance, the opposing force to the man.” – Megan Westra, “Reclaimed: the “Help Meet”

“When scripture uses an odd combination of words to describe something as important as Woman, we better pay attention…The Hebrew text doesn’t use the word ‘ezer alone. The full concept is ‘ezer kenegdo.” – Skip Moen, Guardian Angel: What You Must Know About God’s Design for Women” (p. 59)

Ezer was used only 21 times in the Bible. Kenegdo was used only twice and only with the word ezer. For a word, well technically a prepositional phrase, to be used only twice and in relation to the same thing, like Moen said, it must be important. We need to pay attention.

Adding kenegdo to ezer (helper), puts aside all doubt that women were made subservient or not equal in value to men. Kenegdo does not mean behind, under or below. We are beside, alongside, corresponding to, and sometimes even opposite.

So what is up with the translation “helpmate”? Mowczko explains in her article,

“Walter Kaiser addresses this misunderstanding.

“… the woman was never meant to be an assistant or ‘helpmate’ to the man. The word mate slipped into English since it was so close to Old English meet, which means ‘fit to’ or ‘corresponding to’ the man. … What God had intended then was to make a ‘power’ or ‘strength’ [i.e. ezer] for the man who would in every way ‘correspond to him’ or even ‘be his equal.’”

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If I had listened to the cultural voices I had grown up with, like Debi Pearl who wrote Created to Be His Help Meet, I would never have dared to step into the middle of my husband’s plans. Because according to Pearl, I needed to be “subject to their husbands in everything, every decision, every move, every plan, and all everyday affairs.” (p. 54) I would have kept quiet and deferred all the decisions, whether I thought they were a good idea or not, to my husband.

Because that is what we as good helpmates would do. Right?

Beautiful Ezer Kenegdos, we were created for more than that. We were created for a purpose. We were created to come alongside our husbands and be their best allies. To bless them. To encourage them. To love them. To believe in them. And yes, sometimes to challenge them.

“Stephanie helped me avoid damaging my relationship with our children in the process of teaching them a valuable life lesson on deference.   I thank God she took her Ezer responsibilities seriously and protected my relationship with our children.” – Jason, my husband

Together, we are image bearers of God. We are to challenge each other when we stray off course. When one side (men or women) goes to the “power over” position, we both lose out on the beauty that God created and made “good.”

You were created for the battle. You, as a strong, rescuing help, come alongside your husband to serve with him. To be image bearers with him.

I love what Linda Seidler in her sermon “Warrior Woman (Ezer Kenegdo)” says, ” Kenegdo. To come alongside, but it’s not just to kind of come alongside, right? That is not how He designed us to be. But to be alongside in a strong sense. Strength in the battles. You’re there in the tough times…Stand in the gap when there’s no one else…We are warrior women!”

Even if you are not married, you are still an ezer kenegdo. You can be that strong, rescuing help to those around you. You can still be the strength in the battle. You can still be the one who comes alongside. You can still be the one who will stand in the gap.

Because that is how God created you.

Ezer Kenegdo.

Warrior Woman.

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Next blog we will dig in more into what our purpose is as an ezer kenegdo. Make sure you subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss out! 🙂